Being a professional photographer, I miss out on some things that others don't... It's little things at first, such as never being able to get out from behind my camera or never actually being *in* the photographs... Today I realized one of the biggest sacrifices that I have given up by being a photographer. I can't be satisfied with a photo that is less than perfect anymore. There are no more candid shots of family hanging out in the living room, or pictures of Leo simply running around the backyard. The lighting has to be right, there have to be no distractions in the background, and the photo is simply completely ruined at the slightest sign of improper focusing. This is something that has really inhibited me being a mother.
I recently took Leo to the park so that I could take some portraits of him. It had been a while since I'd taken any of him and the last few times they didn't come out "perfect" like I expected them to. It was easy when he was a baby, he simply sat there contently and smiled at the tiniest things. Now is not so easy. Leo is almost two years old and is discovering the entire world around him. Smile for Mommy? Sure thing... But sit still and look at the camera? Yeah good luck with that...
After a very long day of trying to get even *one* portrait that I deemed fit for my photographic skill, I started getting very frustrated. I wondered why he can't simply sit still and smile for one picture to make me happy. Was that so hard?
I was so frustrated the other day when I took the photos, because they didn't come out all prim and proper like I wanted them to, that I put them off to the side. Well, today I finally went through them and started editing them. As I was editing them, I realized something. They captured Leo. The very essence of who he is as an almost-two-year-old. Leo is NOT prim and proper and perfect. He doesn't sit there and smile like a perfectly painted picture or like an airbrushed photo of the Gerber baby. He is wild, crazy, curious, and adventurous. Why would I want pictures to remember him someway that he simply is not right now? Shouldn't I embrace the pictures that capture him the way he is?
I came to the conclusion that YES I should capture him exactly the way he is right now, at almost-two. If that means I get pictures of him with his hair looking like baby Einstein and him in mid-run, then so be it. The perfectly set up portraits will come again later on, but for now I need to make memories of my wild and crazy little boy.
